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Today was probably the worst day of my entire life. I was woken up this morning by a frantic call from my mother telling me I had to get to the hospital. My sister is ready to have her baby at anytime and stupid me though my mom was trying to wake me up on a Saturday morning to try and help deliver my sisters` baby... Which was`nt happening. Til my mom told me words that will probably always haunt me... "Your dad had a heart attack. Your step mom is trying to find you. He might not make it." And I`m pretty sure my blood went cold.

Me and my dad don`t have the best relationship. He made spastic appearances during my childhood. It was`nt until I tried to kill myself last year that he finally gave a damn... And that only lasted a few months til he literally internet stalked me and found out my sexual orientation. To which it was then "let me pray out the gay". So yeah, long history. But he is still my dad  ya know.

I made it to the ER to find out he was going to be having emergency open bypass surgery. He and my step mom had requested it be held off til I got there, which shocked the hell out of me. My dad actually took my hand and told me he loved me before being taken, and yeah... I cried like a little bitch.

Then came hours of waiting. Seeing family I have`nt seen in years, trying not to lose my mind from staring at blank walls. I don`t really believe in God, but I prayed like hell. The doctor came out about two hours earlier than he was suppose to. And my step mom grabbed a hold of my arm so fast it was crazy. The color drained out of her face and I knew she was thinking the same thing as me... That we lost him.

Though it turned out the surgery went well. Only one bypass but that poor artery was 99% blocked. Apparently my dad had been having this heart attack for three days and did not bother to tell anyone til this morning. I`m gonna beat his ass for that one later.

There has only been one blip on the radar so far. And that little blip was like a fucking bomber. His heart stopped and it was like an ER show and they had to shock him back to life. Thankfully I was sitting in seclusion somewhere trying to keep my emotions under control or Im pretty sure I would have lost it again.

He looks ashy and gray but he is alive for now. And Im still praying he stays that way. I`ve decided I`m not giving up on my dad, and I`m not letting him give up on me.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-11 05:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lemmealone.livejournal.com
Holy shit, man. I don't know you NEAR well enough to say much beyond that I'll keep your dad in my thoughts, but it sounds like he's had a big fright and come to pretty much the same conclusion as you when it comes to your relationship. Good luck. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-11 06:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ryo-girl.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry honey ♥ I have no idea what to even say - except that maybe this will end up with the two of you having a better relationship after he's recovered. I'll be sending good thoughts your family's way and I hope he has a speedy recovery.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-11 06:36 am (UTC)
ext_16765: (*smiley Dean)
From: [identity profile] arabella-hope.livejournal.com
I can not even imagine how terrifying today was for you. It sounds like both you and your father are incredibly strong men and I'm astounded by how well it sounds that you dealt with the situation. You are seriously amazing and your family is lucky to have you by their side. That was obviously very important to your dad today, and hopefully it bides well for the future.

I have a lot of faith in you and will keep sending as much positive energy your way as I can. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-11 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soapy-chk89.livejournal.com
So I know I'm not on your flist or anything, but I want you to know that I've been thinking about you all day, and I'm so glad and relieved that your father has made it this far. He's definitely a fighter. Hopefully this will make your relationship with him stronger. I don't get along well with a lot of my family, but I'd react the exact same way if this happened to them.

You're an awesome guy, truly. I know this is really stupid, but if you ever need to talk about ANYTHING, you know my AIM username, okay? Seriously, don't hesitate.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-11 12:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tariana.livejournal.com
I'm so glad he's passed at least this hurdle. I'll be thinking of you. I'm sorry that you don't have a good relationship with your dad. It sounds all too familiar as I have basically written my dad out of my life to the point where I have been adopted by another man who earns the title of "dad" and refer to my birthfather as what he is... just that. I still think there's a tiny part of me that wishes he'd change -- maybe he will.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-11 02:47 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-11 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cabayuki.livejournal.com
Hold on. Be strong.

This is bringing up a lot of memories for me. My dad had something similar happening to him. He made it out ok. I'll pray for you to have as much luck as I had.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-13 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] norwegianblue47.livejournal.com
Wow. We don't know each other that well, but that won't stop me from hoping to God that your dad's going to be okay. Good luck with...everything.

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